Tucker Carlson Warns Viewers Covid Vaccine Was Made Using Science
WASHINGTON — On yesterday’s episode of “Tucker Carlson Tonight,” the host dropped a bombshell on his audience: scientists and medical professionals created the controversial vaccine used to manage the Coronavirus.
“Science has never proven anything. It’s a ruse that the liberal media has perpetuated to brainwash people into voting for the Democrats,” alleged the Fox News pundit. “This vaccine has been responsible for all kinds of terrible things: empathy for your neighbors, dedication to improving society, and deference to researchers who know what they are talking about. I can’t sit by and let this country get ruined by facts. Americans deserve better.”
Despite an actual court ruling that Carlson should not be taken seriously as a news source, he maintains a loyal following. Buck Smoothbrain, one of the television personality’s diehard fans, expressed his concern over the developing situation.
“This science nonsense is something I have suspected for a while, but I’ve been waiting for someone I trust to give it to me straight,” confessed the 58-year-old middle manager. “I didn’t want to accept that
this invasion of knowledge was happening, but Tucker’s word is gospel at my house. It’s God first, then Trump, followed by Tucker, Ben Shapiro, and Candace Owens. I just like how they aren’t biased. They always report straight news, which is something you can’t get from the lamestream media. Now, based on Tucker’s iron-clad analysis, I will continue to rail against the shot.”
Vikram Singh, an immunologist at Kayo University, continues to fight against Covid as well as its much more stubborn counterpart — stupidity.
“No amount of misinformation surprises me anymore,” lamented Dr. Singh. “People genuinely believe that inoculation always leads to developing autism, dying, or worst of all, becoming a Democrat. What’s interesting is that this phenomenon spans all education levels. From Harvard graduates to high school dropouts, I know many who have bought into these conspiracy theories. They are more likely to accept a Q-fueled rant scrawled on a Burger King bathroom stall than peer-reviewed, scientific evidence.”
Rumors have circulated that an upcoming episode will reveal that kids as young as 5 are now being indoctrinated with arithmetic lessons in public schools.
