Top 10 Mitch Hedberg Jokes

Ken Taro
2 min readJul 28, 2022
Mitch Hedberg smiling and looking at the ground
Mitch Hedberg Laughing

If there were a Mount Rushmore of one-liner/short joke comedians, Mitch Hedberg would certainly be on it. He would most likely be joined by Rodney Dangerfield, Henny Youngman, and Steven Wright. Honorable mentions include Rita Rudner and Anthony Jeselnik. Demetri Martin is no slouch either.

Mitch was in a class of his own in terms of whimsical prowess. Even his saves/recoveries when his jokes fell flat were funnier than the jokes of many other comedians. He had a special on Comedy Central where he bombed the first half, yet won everyone over at the end with a standing ovation. Unfortunately, he died of a drug overdose on March 30, 2005. His death was announced on April 1, prompting many to believe it was an April Fool’s Joke.

Although there are countless picks, here is a compilation of 10 jokes that I either find the funniest or are so iconic that they cement his legacy.

10. One time a guy handed me a picture and said, “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is of you when you were younger.

9. You know there’s this fishing show on tv where they catch the fish, but then they let it go. They don’t want to eat the fish, but they do want to make it late for something.
Fish 1: Where were you?
Fish 2: I got caught!
Fish 1: No, you didn’t. Let me see the inside of your lip.

8. When I was a boy, I would lay in my twin-size bed and wonder where my brother was.

7. I want to hang a map of the world at my house. And then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to, but first I’m going to have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

6. You can’t please all the people all the time, and last night, all those people came to my show.

5. This jacket is dry clean only, which means it’s dirty.

4. Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer it’s kind of like they’re saying, “Here, you throw this away.”

3. I don’t have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman who would be really mad if she heard me say that.

2. Some Canadian television exposure, finally.

1. I used to use drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

If you haven’t already, please check him out. There are plenty of YouTube videos available of his comedy appearances. He also has three solo albums:

Strategic Grill Locations (1999)

Mitch All Together (2003)

Do You Believe in Gosh? (2008)

Which jokes did I miss that make you want to dox me?

Ken Taro

Writer, satirist, and humorist. You can find my best work on my mom’s refrigerator.