Ticketmaster Crashes After Taylor Swift Concert Parking Space Pre-Sale Orders Exceed Demand

Ken Taro
2 min readNov 18, 2022
Two pictures: Taylor Swift at the 2019 American Music Awards on the left, and a parking lot on the right
Left: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported via Cosmopolitan UK; Right: Photo by Hannah Sibayan on Unsplash

CHICAGO — Taylor Swift fans are angry that they won’t even have parking spots for the concert they won’t be able to attend. “I don’t even care that I won’t be able to see the show. I would just like to be able to hear the music in the parking lot from the convenience of my car,” said Elandra Moore, a woman with 17 years of driving and parking experience. “I’ve been waiting half my life to catch a glimpse of her stepping off her tour bus as I blast ‘Shake It Off’ from my 2003 Ford Focus. I even painted it purple because that is her favorite color.”

‘Swifties’ such as Moore aren’t the only ones disappointed by the Ticketmaster fiasco.

“I’m not actually a Taylor Swift fan, or even a fan of entertainers in general,” said Reginald Claxton, a Chicago resident with a 2011 Subaru Outback. “I just really like parking spots. Ticketmaster really dropped the ball on this one. I was really excited to find a space with ample room on either of my car so that I could play musical car seats with my friends with relative ease. Now, I will never have the opportunity.”

Although we could not reach an official spokesperson at Ticketmaster, a secret insider claimed that they were addressing pre-sale parking as quickly as possible. They admitted that actual concert tickets were not a priority for them.

Ken Taro

Writer, satirist, and humorist. You can find my best work on my mom’s refrigerator.