Texas Governor Abbott Revealed as Secret Consultant for Torture Traps in Upcoming “Saw X”

Ken Taro
3 min readAug 14, 2023
Texas Governor Greg Abbot showcasing his death traps on Twitter.
Texas Governor Greg Abbot showcasing his death traps on Twitter.

LOS ANGELES — Saw X, which is expected to debut in theaters on September 29, 2023, is the upcoming 10th installment in the series. Known for its grisly violence and grotesque torture devices, the Saw franchise sought an unlikely source for creative inspiration this time around — Texas Governor Greg Abbott.

The leader of the Lone Star state recently made news for implementing anti-border crossing devices along the Texas/Mexico border where, according to Newsweek, “the wrecking ball-sized buoys that make up the floating barrier that Texas Gov. Greg Abbott installed in July in the Rio Grande have circular saws between them.”

A screenshot of Greg Abbott’s tweet showcasing his trap in Eagle Pass.
Greg Abbott’s tweet about his trap in Eagle Pass.

“Saw X” director Kevin Greutert said that he saw how scary Abbott’s work has been, so he knew he had to at least reach out.

“As a horror film director, it is my job to terrify people,” said Greutert. “That’s why I had to take a look at someone with some real life experience. He snapped his fingers, and suddenly half his state was horrified because he removed the rights of women in an instant. I would love to say that I have that type of influence, but I would just be kidding myself. All I can say is that Greg is absolutely an evil genius. Once he get done terrorizing Texas, he has a solid future in the horror movie industry.”

Lucky for Greutert, Abbott was even more excited than the director to work on the production.

“I’m such a fan of the series that I jumped at the opportunity to collaborate with them,” said the Governor. “Although I actually prefer the Hostel series because it’s just straight-up violence without any social commentary or redemption, I was willing to overlook any woke bullshit in Saw because the blood and gore more than make up for any humanity that is depicted.”

Screenshot of Governor Abbott Tweet saying “If President Biden truly cared about human life, he would enforce federal immigration laws.” In the same Tweet is a picture of one Abbott’s Rio Grande death traps.
Governor Abbott assures his Twitter audience that violence is actually “pro-life.”

Tobin Bell, who plays Jigsaw (as John Kramer), the face of the Saw franchise, was less enthusiastic about the…

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Ken Taro

Writer, satirist, and humorist. You can find my best work on my mom’s refrigerator.