Scatterbrained Dad Checks Car’s Stick Figure Sticker to Remember How Many Kids He Has
DES MOINES, Iowa — While loading the car for the annual pilgrimage to the Navy Pier in Chicago, Jonas Seiler, a father of eight, confessed that he had to glance at the stick figure sticker on the back window to remember how many kids he was responsible for.
“I just have too damn many of them,” said Seiler, referring to the number of children he has fathered. “And it’s a good thing I looked, because I thought I had six kids at the most. I usually remember the oldest, the youngest, and the curly-haired one, but everyone else is a crapshoot. Your guess is as good as mine. My reputation spread so much that The Maury Show used to call and invite me to participate in one of their paternity test segments.”
Seiler, an insurance salesman, also said that he is feeling the financial strain. “Everything is absurdly expensive now. Do you know how much corndogs cost for eight kids? No, seriously. I need to know. Inflation is insane.”
Seiler’s wife, Nadine Scherer, said that she bought the sticker for this very purpose.
“This happens every time we go on a trip, which is ironic considering that Jonas’s favorite movie is Home Alone,” said Scherer, a real estate agent. “I can’t judge him too harshly, though. Ever since I popped the fourth one out, I started tattooing a tick mark onto my arm. Even the local school system isn’t immune from the issue. If a kid gets into trouble at school and refuses to talk, the teachers just call us thinking it might be one of ours.”
Adeline, one of the unfortunate middle children, mentioned that all the offspring also had to wear name tags any time they had to leave the house.
“Every time we go out, we have to do a roll call,” said Adeline. “It’s not really that different at home, either. One time I was in the kitchen looking for a snack, and my dad asked me if I was the friend of one of his kids.”
At press time, Scherer revealed that she is now expecting a ninth child. To prepare for the impending confusion, she has ordered another stick figure to add to the car sticker.
