My Confederate Flag Tuxedo T-Shirt Was Too Formal for the Failed Coup Attempt at the Capitol
I must admit, I agonized for days over what I should wear at the revolution on January 6th in Washington D.C. I knew it wouldn’t be a completely formal white-hood affair, but I still wanted to get gussied up a little bit. After all, this would be a monumental juncture in our nation’s history. After digging through the trash bags where I store all my clothes, I found the perfect top: my Confederate flag tuxedo t-shirt.
It conveyed every sentiment necessary for the life-changing event. It showed strength and dignity, with a splash of playfulness, and, of course, a winning tradition. I tied the ensemble together with a MAGA hat, blue blazer, camo pants, and steel toed boots — the kind you love to lick after kicking in a window. Also, no mask necessary because FREEDOM. I was ready to share my love for the cause with my fellow patriots.
When I arrived, however, I was disappointed by the lack of decorum. The sea of red caps did little to quell my unease with the fashion situation. It was as if no one was taking this riot seriously. People wore shirts with their names or jackets with their company’s logos on the back. It looked as if they were only there to market themselves and their monetary interests. The only things I wanted to advertise were my love for my country and my hatred for minorities. I wanted to be completely anonymous, other than my face. I didn’t don a hat adorned with any animal horns or antlers either, despite owning several that would have been perfect for the evidently casual occasion.
I don’t mean to be a fashion snob. I really don’t. Elitism doesn’t suit me. Trust me, I put on my wifebeater with one arm at a time like everyone else. It’s just that I expected a little more effort from my fellow Qers when we tried to take back our country. The Skoal-stained Carhartt jacket is perfect for the after-party Biden/Harris effigy burning. I don’t regret my outfit choice because I looked quite dapper. I just want everyone to look a little bit better the next time we spit in the face of democracy.