My Confederate Flag Tuxedo T-Shirt Was Too Formal for the Failed Coup Attempt at the Capitol

I must admit, I agonized for days over what I should wear at the revolution on January 6th in Washington D.C. I knew it wouldn’t be a completely formal white-hood affair, but I still wanted to get gussied up a little bit. After all, this would be a monumental juncture in our nation’s history. After digging through the trash bags where I store all my clothes, I found the perfect top: my Confederate flag tuxedo t-shirt.

It conveyed every sentiment necessary for the life-changing event. It showed strength and dignity, with a splash of playfulness, and, of course, a winning tradition. I tied the ensemble together with a MAGA hat, blue blazer, camo pants, and steel toed boots — the kind you love to lick after kicking in a window. Also, no mask necessary because FREEDOM. I was ready to share my love for the cause with my fellow patriots.

When I arrived, however, I was disappointed by the lack of decorum. The sea of red caps did little to quell my unease with the fashion situation. It was as if no one was taking this riot seriously. People wore shirts with their names or jackets with their company’s logos on the back. It looked as if they were only there to market themselves and their monetary interests. The only things I wanted to advertise were my love for my country…