I’m Smarter Than Elon Musk

Ken Taro
2 min readDec 6, 2022

Why? I think we should go to Jupiter, and Jupiter is farther than Mars.

Two side-by-side photos. Left: Headshot of Elon Musk; Right: Jupiter, the planet
Left, Elon Musk: By Debbie Rowe — Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=86942501; Right, Jupiter: NASA/Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory/Southwest Research Institute, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Many people applaud Elon Musk for his visionary ambitions. Sure, it’s his designers and engineers who actually do all the work he envisions, but as long as he comes up with the big ideas, that’s all that matters.

That’s where I come in. Elon Musk was intelligent enough to say that we, as humans, should colonize Mars. According to Fortune Magazine, he even said he dreams of dying on the Red Planet. However, I took it to the next step. There is a planet even farther than Musk’s cosmic target: Jupiter. Mars is a mere 51.7 million miles from Earth. Jupiter, on the other hand, is 428.2 miles away. Clearly, my mission eclipses Musk’s cute little pet project eight fold.

Now that I have hatched this brilliant idea, I just need a team of engineers, mathematicians, scientists, designers, and a few other peasants to make my dream a reality. With a little bit of legwork (from other people), they can make my dreams come true while I take all the credit. They really are fortunate that they have such a prophet at the helm.

Don’t worry, though. This won’t be the last you see of me. I would like to reveal my crowing achievement, my swan song: ending world hunger.

SIKE! I have my sights on time travel instead. Although this isn’t particularly a novel idea, my version would include something a little spicier. Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could go back and forth through time whenever you wanted riding an ATV?

Person riding an all-terrain vehicle, aka ATV
Photo by Joe Neric on Unsplash

I personally have no idea how to make that happen, but the idea is so amazing that I will be remembered for centuries. My peons will be thrilled to know that my name will live on forever, while theirs will evaporate at soon as they expire. Long live the King!

Ken Taro

Writer, satirist, and humorist. You can find my best work on my mom’s refrigerator.