7 Candies to Stop Giving Out on Halloween if You‘re a Good Person

Ken Taro
4 min readOct 14, 2021
Two imitation human skeletons outside a house decorated for Halloween.
Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Halloween is one of the last times in kids’ lives where they can pursue handouts without being flagged as communists. They should be able to have as much fun as possible before adulthood crushes their souls into oblivion. Almost nothing saps the enjoyment out of trick-or-treating faster than being on the receiving end of literal or figurative trash, so your choice of candy will have a profound effect on their evening. Here are the sweets you should shun now and forever.

1. Candy Corn

A close-up shot of an assortment of candy corn.
Evan-Amos via Wikipedia Public Domain

This first entry should come as a surprise to nobody. Although candy corn does have its share of diehard fans, most can agree that you should toss these triangular disasters into a garbage can instead of a child’s pillowcase. If you like these so much, you might as well chow down on a nice candle or a bar of soap.

2. Circus Peanuts

An assortment of orange circus peanut candies.

From the sickly, fading orange tint to the teething ring texture, circus peanuts simply make society uncomfortable. Just look at them. They are basically pieces of styrofoam. Instead of eating them, use them to pack boxes.

3. Peanut Butter Kisses

An assortment of peanut butter kiss candies wrapped in orange and black wax paper.
https://www.shared.com/halloween-candy-ban/

Not to be confused with sugar cookies with Hershey’s Kisses embedded into them (which actually ARE delicious), these sticky messes known as Peanut Butter Kisses appear in non-descript wax paper with no brand name to be seen. That is a warning sign right there. If you were proud of your creations, wouldn’t you want your name on them? These “treats” are so bad that a city in North Carolina, U.S., actually banned them for Halloween.

4. Generic Jelly Beans

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Ken Taro

Writer, satirist, and humorist. You can find my best work on my mom’s refrigerator.