10 Requirements Any Woman Must Meet to Date Me

Ken Taro
4 min readDec 28, 2023
Me looking derpy on a bench in San Francisco
Me looking absolutely irresistible on a park bench

No doubt about it. Dating is hard, especially if you have high standards like I do. However, I will not compromise what I expect in a partner. In all honesty, I don’t want to settle for just anybody because I wouldn’t want anyone to settle for me. With that said, here are 10 benchmarks I expect women to meet if they want the chance to date a prize of my caliber.

A murder of crows flying through the air
Photo by JJ Shev on Unsplash
  1. You must have at least 10 crows as friends. I really want to befriend a bunch of crows, but that’s a lot of work. It is your job as the woman to introduce them to me.
A bunch of candles lit up
Photo by Mike Labrum on Unsplash

2. If you’re holding a séance, please use appropriately scented candles. If you’re trying to connect with the spirits of the dead, I don’t want to smell candy apples or corn muffins. Show some damn respect. Use lilac or lavender, something along those lines.

A picture of a DVD from Season 5 of The Wire on Amazon.com
From Amazon



Ken Taro

Writer, satirist, and humorist. You can find my best work on my mom’s refrigerator.